Part 3: The Dominant
In Part 2 we dug a bit deeper into submission. This time, it’s the Dominant who will be our focus. I previously used the example of a pressure cooker as an analogy for someone in a submissive mindset. Now I would like to expand on that visual a bit, specifically as it applies to the cook in the scenario – the person occupying the Dominant role.
When you are pressure cooking, it is important to be fully present and aware of everything that’s going on. Before anything else happens, the ingredients need to be added, the right amount of moisture must be present, and the cooker must be carefully sealed. If you grew up in the south like I did, you may have an example in your memory of what happens to the kitchen ceiling when the pressure cooker wasn’t sealed well enough.
At this point, the Dom must decide if the conditions are appropriate to continue. Inspecting the cooker for any signs that something isn’t right is always a good starting point. The responsible Dom knows that this is more than a cursory visual inspection, and it must always begin with asking for and receiving unwavering and enthusiastic consent from the person or persons occupying the submissive role. Consent is a not optional.
Inspection complete and consent proffered, the Dom can begin working their magic. When contents are to be placed under high pressure, the heat must be carefully and evenly applied with constant attention paid to the pressure gauge. If the pressure is too low, the desired result may be underwhelming (the spiritual connection may not be made, and the sub may not fully reach their subspace). Too high and irreparable damage may occur (physical or emotional trauma or harm).
Stereotypes Surrounding Domination
I remember back in the days of AOL, when people would come into chat rooms bandying such classics as “looking 4 total no limits slave 2 serve me. send pix.” These people would usually lurk in the chat just long enough to cum, but there were also those who would perpetuate this narrative taking it into dangerous territory. Too many people mistakenly think domination is a license to do whether they want when the truth is, it’s a huge responsibility to ensure the safety of a human who trusts you with their well being.
The stereotypes surrounding domination are largely focused on self-absorbed, narcissistic and abusive tyrants, but there is no place for someone of that description in the adult leather, kink, and fetish tribe. It’s dangerous to the health and wellness of all players, and that’s a non-starter.
The Responsible Dominant
At this point I’m stepping away from the pressure cooker analogy because it is too important that this discussion take place without ambiguity. I wrote in the last installment that “if submission is not freely offered, it is abuse”. This is why the role of the Dominant in these scenarios bears the weight of a great deal of responsibility. The Dom must not only ask for and receive enthusiastic consent before beginning a scene, but they also need to carefully analyze the sub and the situation and make the decision as to whether or not to continue. What’s more, this isn’t analysis that happens once – it has to happen constantly throughout the duration of the interaction (remember what we talked about when the pressure is too low or too high).
I firmly believe that a responsible Dominant must not be under the influence of any mind-altering substance during a scene, because a responsible Dominant is fully present and acutely aware of everything that may impact the submissive. Similarly, it is up to the Dominant to decide if they believe that the sub is physically, mentally, and emotionally prepared for play. Enthusiastic consent cannot be received from someone who is under the influence of alcohol or mind-altering substances, or from someone who is not physically, mentally, and emotionally stable.
Domination and Submission Series